Dear Upper School parents:
I'm writing this brief email to ask your help in augmenting some of the fragments of clothing that are being worn to school. Many of the girls are coming to school in shorts that are simply too short, for one thing. I don't believe I need to elaborate on what "too short" means in detail, or the visual that "too short" foists onto hapless witnesses. Furthermore, exposure of backs, bellies, and breasts are becoming a distracting and annoying norm: Janet Jackson incidents are not rare in the hallways. Many of the boys, meanwhile, are walking underwear commercials; it is not appropriate for school.
Though we don't have a formal "dress code" at Fieldston, students need to come to school simply wearing more material, and that material needs to cover any underclothing that is also worn. Please help my colleagues and me by more closely checking your son or daughter's wardrobe before it struts out your door in the morning. I am trying to be a good sport in this email, but we are unhappy about this situation and need your assistance.
Thank you in advance.
I've a long, penniless career in ghostwriting. My best story - have I told you this already? - is of being asked by a committee (on which I did not serve) at my previous school to craft a letter to the Head of School. This was 15 or 20 years ago. The issue was delicate - there was a politically charged personnel crisis brewing, and the matter needed to be approached just so. I wrote a bang up letter and the committee was pleased. The next day, the Head of School called me into her office, showed me the letter from the committee, and said, "Would you be willing to write a response for me?"
Typing back to myself that night, ghost to ghost, was bizarre. Though the crisis was averted, there was no one to celebrate with, since it remains the ghost's secret to this day.
My thanks to busy, wonderful Principal Danforth for permission to out us both with this post.
My thanks to busy, wonderful Principal Danforth for permission to out us both with this post.
THANK YOU.......LAUGHING.........I think you are perhaps the best ghost writer of which I am acquainted. Ok, you're the only one. That I know of anyway. I guess it would kinda spoil something if I knew who exactly they all are. But I digress.........I LOVE YOUR LETTER! You should get many pennies for it if you ask me.
ReplyDeletePaula, LOL! You deserve many pennies, indeed! I would like to plagiarize parts of your letter to the students and families at my school where we DO have a dress code (sort of).
ReplyDeleteAs the school nurse, I often tell the boys in my school, "I don't want to look at your behind unless there's a medical reason". That usually gets a snort or a little chuckle and a hiking up of the ol' pants. Because they realize that they don't want an old lady like me looking at their behinds either.
I'm sorry to be so old-fashioned but I CANNOT wait for this fad to be over!
Amen to that, Marilyn!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL @ ghost to ghost!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your ghostwriting story.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't get much better than writing a letter that gets results -- but good luck with the teen dress issue. I have a feeling the parents have been in the choir singing.
This is a great letter! Our dean of students always says, "your shirt and your shorts (or pants) MUST be friends" (in other words, we don't want to see your underwear)
ReplyDelete