making up for lost buzzes

I've never been drunk. Truth. When I tell adolescents that, most of them say, "wait. what?" Just like that. It's a great conversation stopper. Eh, I could make it a long story about not particularly enjoying feeling nauseated, hot (as in red-faced, not as in the fun kind of hot), and tired. I could add that alcohol makes me wheeze -- seems not worth the effort to have a drink in one hand and an inhaler in the other. Not to mention the havoc it wreaks on my sleep to have a glass of wine. What a hassle.

But when I tell adults that I haven't been drunk, almost universally the response is that they want to be the person who gets me drunk, and they are forlorn that I'm really not interested. They think I am missing something essential in life -- that opportunity to stagger, to want to barf, and to be loopy.

So today I write to let it be known that I am making up for lost buzz time. I've been conservative with the medications I've been prescribed, but am taking them as needed. And I get to stagger, to occasionally want to barf, and to be loopy. I also get to sleep.

Today's fun-fact-to-know-and-tell about breast surgery is that you get (okay, I get) phantom nipple sensations. Like, often. You know how when you go out in the cold and you feel your nipples move to a salute? I'm getting that sensation, but have no nipples. I don't mind it, and in fact am kind of glad to have that remnant of days gone by.

A closing anecdote about the adventure we had at the doctor's office today when we went in to deal with a blocked drain from the left erst-boobal area. Think Monty Python, that scene with the hapless knight who loses a limb at a time, and blood is spewing from him like a fountain. Pfffffff, pfffffff, spewing this direction, that direction, pffffff. Picture Laura trying to catch it all in her hands. The surgeon is saying, "Don't worry! It's just serosanguinous fluid." And it's spewing everywhere. The surgeon seemed perfectly content to have it spraying onto jeans and walls. Good news is that I feel a lot less pressure in that area now. Bad news is that Laura was seriously grossed out and it's going to take awhile to make that up to her.