Friday, December 4, 2009

my kingdom for a poop

Five days and no poop. Actually, I am collecting it, saving it for posterity, apparently -- but no poop that is forthcoming. This has been by far the worst symptom of my "breast cancer" -- more painful and annoying than the stitches, the drains, the swelling which continues to accumulate (see yesterday's post for why). As someone by whose intestines one could set a clock under normal circumstances, I am taken aback and offended by this systemic failure. It's like having a Subaru break down. When does that happen? Never. A Volkswagon, sure -- especially one belonging to my folks -- but a Subaru? Come on, I should be able to poop.

In the spirit of "the law of attraction," I am planning a large parade for when I finally do poop. We will march down Main Street. Everyone is invited. I need everyone to be envisioning this parade.

As I emailed to family, we have been waiting for the full pathology report, though we know the great news about clear nodes, of course. For the past 3 days we've been told the report would come in the following day. Now it is Friday and we know there will be nothing until Monday. What we are waiting to hear about is whether or not I will need chemotherapy, whether my ER/PR receptors are positive (can determine type of intervention), and what that unidentified floating object was in the left breast. I am feeling more and more like we might have done all we can and should do about the cancer; that they got it. But even if there is nothing left to do but go on and live well and happily, it would be nice to know that those are the instructions. If there are additional instructions, that would be good to know, too.

For now, though everyone has been sending light my way, which I have really appreciated, I would like to put in a specific request for momentum. A fully functioning hydraulic system, please. I can't eat much more fiber, and when the time comes, stand back. She's a-gonna blow.

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