missing the blog

I miss writing in the blog as often as I did during active treatment. Cancer's aftermath and potential reappearance are still present much of the time, but repeating that fact in a blog is not as compelling as ruminating about it seems to be in one's mind.

And though daily I take the magnifying mirror to my nose and eyelids (tiny, tiny hairs appearing in both locales), watching nose hairs grow through a blog is not as interesting as seeing that they are gone and that you can temporarily see my brain.

I'm running again, turtle pace. Not like turtles when they are trying to get away from you, but like turtles when they are strolling along taking their sweet time. Today Laura and I "ran" my loop until I got dizzy and needed to walk for a bit. At first I thought, "Say, is this the 'runner's high' wot I heard tell about?" And then I realized that it was merely lightheadedness, and that if I explored the phenomenon any longer I would have to lie down in the cemetery (which is where this sensation occurred), and that just seemed like really bad ju-ju. So we walked through the cemetery and then started up again.

Yep, my loop goes into the cemetery, to the back, along the river, and then out again. There were times during chemo when I thought maybe this wasn't a good idea; one passes a stunning number of graves of women (mostly) around my age who have died in the last few years, and the ruminating can sometimes begin. But avoiding the cemetery seemed like a poor option, too; a coward's choice. I want to feel as free as possible, and that includes being able to bear some of the feelings that come with passing those graves.

I would just rather not have to lie down with them.

Never say die! so to speak. Tomorrow we tackle the loop again.