squeeze me

     As long as I can remember, I've had a recurring fantasy that strikes me at odd times. My family is used to hearing me state variations on its premise:
     A group of strangers are gathered in a large room. They have to figure out the one thing they have in common before they are released.
     "What if you put everyone who was terrified as a kid of that movie with the guy with his eyelids held open by toothpicks into the same room?"
     "What if you put everyone who has in the last week bought a plunger, kale, and nectarines into the same room?"
     "What if you put everyone who lost a ring while swimming in a lake into the same room?"
     "What if you put everyone who thinks "irregardless" is correct into the same room?" Gee, that would need to be a really, really big room. Maybe we narrow it down to people who think it's correct and who happen to use it a lot, like habitually. It'd be tough to figure that one out! They'd really have to think hard to see the problem, then find the commonality. You'd need to bring in food.

     Certain ones would probably give just the right amount of challenge.
     "What if you put everyone in a room who, like, think it's hilarious that they always say 'squeeze me' instead of 'excuse me'?" It'd be pretty crowded, but because it was so crowded they'd all start saying 'squeeze me,' just trying to move around the room. Except...it'd be almost entirely guys, probably almost entirely straight guys, who would feel weird about saying 'squeeze me' to each other. Suddenly it's not so funny any more, is it, bud. This is actually a good one; a good challenge.
     The easiest, of course, would be to put all of us who have this fantasy into one big room. Oh, sweet. We'd be set free in no time at all, but we'd never want to leave.