dinner conversation

     So I says to myself as I massage the kale with the olive oil, "It's so great. I actually like this shit. Yay. Yay for that."
     I continue to massage and tear, massage and tear.

"I mean...pretty much."
"Yeah. I guess it's not always the best tasting stuff in the world."
"And it takes a lot of work -- cooking food that's good for you."
"That's true."
     I load up the pan.
"But that's okay. 'Cause it's a good thing that I am willing to go to the extra effort to put good food into my body."
"I know, right?"
"Yup. It's cool that I really do think in terms of what my body wants in order to stay healthy. It really matters to me. It'd be so hard if that weren't the case; so depressing. You'd feel kind of meh all the time. Tired. And you'd be eating shit that's really bad for your body."
"And the earth, for chrissake."
"Yeah, it's cool that I really am guided by what's best for my body."
"Most of the time."
     I scrape out the seeds of an acorn squash.
"But not in a weird way."
"Right! Not in a weird way."
"Pretty much."
"Anyway, it's so good! It's so cool that I really want to do what I can to live. To not die of cancer."
"Essentially."
"Yeah, well, to not die of cancer."
"Or something."
"Not because I'm scared of dying, but because I really want to live this life well and long."
"So cool. So lucky! Lucky to want to."
"Mm. Needs salt."
"Argh, these Himalayan salt crystals are too big for this salt grinder."
"Why don't I just throw out those last few gigantic crystals?"
"That'd be a waste of good, pink salt crystals."
"Shit. They've come all the way from the other side of the world."
     I arm wrestle with the salt grinder and get out a few pink crumbs.
"Ach. What a gigantic carbon footprint I have. Salt from the other side of the world. Jiminy cricket."
     I peek at the kale in the oven and stir.
"It'll be good for my footprint when I'm dead. No more guilt about these kale chips being a ridiculous amount of carbon, just to end up with this." I pull out what had been a huge pile of kale and now is a crisp tuft of dark green on a cookie sheet.
"Mm. It sucks to have to feel bad about these. They're so good and good for you."
"Yay. How happy am I that I want to take good care of my body?"
"Happy. Lucky."
"So lucky."
"But my footprint! Gee."
"I know. Ugh."
"Ugh."