Friday, April 4, 2014

welcome and goodbye

Hello, dear followers and dear stumblers-upon:

I began taotechu in November of 2009 in the turbulent wake of my diagnosis of breast cancer. Navigating through double mastectomies, the swamp of chemotherapy, the rapids of BRCA2, and the general current of life, this little blog has helped me keep my nose above water. It has offered me a place to reflect, to rest, to play. I've poured my quirky little heart into this blog, and I am grateful to have had your company.

I know through the years a good number of people have been referred to this blog following their own cancer diagnosis. You will always be welcome here. You might want to start here in 2009, where I began with surgery. January 2010 marks the beginning of several months of ACT chemotherapy for triple negative cancer. Some of the toughest times were after treatment, when people expect you to feel great, but you feel exhausted and more vulnerable without chemical weaponry. It is not until March of 2012 that we learned about my genetic glitch of BRCA2, which led to immediate oophorectomies (ooph is a good term for this) and a hysterectomy while we were in the neighborhood.

It was difficult not to talk about it for the months after BRCA2, but we were in the thick of getting the kids and my siblings tested for quite awhile. It did not feel like I could share about that until 6 spiky shoes had dropped, each with their own excruciating bit of suspense. Tests were negative for one, two, three, four, then five of my beloved family members. We felt crazy lucky each time someone's results came in. But the last one bopped us all on the head, hard, when my sister came up positive for BRCA2. I note that with sadness here, but again, it has not been my story to tell.

Throughout the taotechu blog, you can read some pretty intimate stuff. You can see the guts of my mind and the veins of my heart; it's not for the squeamish, unless you kind of like that feeling.

Some of my favorite posts have been about my life with Laura. For those you need to scrounge. I must publicly mention here how much I appreciate Laura's willingness to serve amuse, bemuse, and be muse.

I am going to suspend taotechu for the foreseeable future. I may post something at the 5-year mark of my cancer diagnosis, some 8 months from now, since I imagine at that point I might feel the need to pipe up, much as you would check in with an old friend on an important occasion.

I appreciate your listening. Special thanks to those who have expressed encouragement and support.



11 comments:

  1. Enjoy where the road takes your musings next, p. Thank you for the priceless gift of so many laughs and tender moments. Thank you for your generously offered window into life with its many hues from wacky to intelligent and sassy to vulnerable. You will be missed by this follower. Happy trails......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Sherry. Your presence and direct expression of support have been really helpful to me.

      Delete
  2. Paula, thank you for all of the strength, vulnerability and humor your have shared with us for these years. I am optimistic that this suspension is a positive threshold moment for you. While I will truly miss your blog, the thought that you don't "need" it is a good thing. XXOOO

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks, Anne Melissa. It's not exactly that I don't feel like I need the blog anymore. It's more that it is not providing a certain connectivity that I am looking for. Just my existential stuff -- all good. Hope you're well.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Paula,
    All I can say is thank you. Thank you for generously sharing your life, your heart and soul, your ups & downs, your humanity, your wonderful, sassy sense of humor and your beautiful prose with us.

    I hope that you will keep on writing because you have real talent and a unique voice. So many times, I thought, "God, I wish I could write like THAT"! So many times, you made me LOL! Thanks also for that. Please invite me to the book signing!

    Lastly, wishing you many, many years of good health and happiness. You deserve no less. Namaste.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marilyn, your faith in my writing has added greatly to what longevity this blog has had. I'll still need that! Thanks, always.

      Delete
  5. Thank you, Paula.
    That I have the blessing of being one of your siblings amazes me and makes me deeply grateful - thence happy.
    Love,
    Lee

    ReplyDelete
  6. Beloved brother! So nice to see you here. xoxo

    ReplyDelete