This afternoon, Laura and I were in the kitchen discussing whether to remove one breast or two. I left the conversation to check the mail. A very kind friend and colleague of Laura's had left a note of encouragement on the porch. He had collected a few beautiful fall leaves and a couple of acorns, and left them near his sweet note. See attached photo. I don't think it will make or break our decision, but geez, we had to wonder if it was a sign!
It has been a long week, with six trips here and there for various procedures. We continue to feel spectacularly lucky about the bone scan. As for the funky abdominal stuff, we will know more Monday or Tuesday. It feels like a long wait, again. We are tired. Now the other breast may need an MRI-assisted biopsy. Blah blah blah. Diagnosis day, 4 days back, seems like a long time ago. Still, we are laughing much more than crying.
I am determined to experience what is happening, but not to let it touch my soul. Mostly, I feel lucky. This weekend I am going to write a letter to the hapless soul who sits somewhere in a laboratory, eating his or her sandwich while scanning mammogram films, gray pictures of flattened breasts. He or she spots the tiniest of oddities, takes another bite of sandwich, circles the dot on the film, and my life is saved. I am going to make that person's day with my letter.
Losing my breast(s) will be a deep loss to me, but I'd rather lose the acorn(s) than the tree.
love all around,
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