tell me about the rabbits, george

Today I am like Lenny in Of Mice and Men. "Tell me about the rabbits, George," he would say, and George would soothe him with the ritual story of their pastoral future, serene, and comfortably living off the fat of de land. Several times in the past couple of days I have had to ask Laura to tell me the story of the rabbits. "Tell me again what Jim [friend and breast doc who has given us wonderful support] told you." And she will get out the piece of paper where I had written what I needed Jim to say. She reads, and adds Jim's clarity and reassurances to the text: "If you don't remove the cancer, it will spread. Surgery is necessary. Then Jim said, p, 'If you don't have surgery, you will die of this cancer.'" Then she goes back to my requested script: "The choice paula is making is not unreasonable or irrational." Then she says, "Jim says you are making a very good, very reasonable decision." Then I am okay for a few hours, until I need to hear the story again.
There is a lot of Lenny in me right now. A little slow, dropping cognitive stitches now and then. Mixing up words and plowing through a sentence anyway. Lots of going into a room and forgetting why. I don't know if Lenny did that, but I would imagine so.
It was a great weekend, though. 17 Chus, as we had been eagerly awaiting. It is effortless for me to be with the family, and this alone was reason to be grateful.

Laura is in serious nesting mode. Haven't seen her this lost in puttering around in a long time. She aired out the blankets, vacuumed, dusted, was on the move for hours. I think we are not far apart from the birds who do these same behaviors -- before the intense caregiving begins, mom bird (in most cases, no?) works on the nest like she's had several cups of avian coffee. Laura was doing this, without the coffee.

Phuc and Sue dropped by yesterday in the middle of things. Phuc, a tattoo artist in Portland, Maine, has offered to give me new nipples someday. How's that for being a friend?

I imagine I won't write until after the surgery now. To anyone who reads this, on the off chance that someday I will make this blog findable, hold me in the Light! Be back soon, sore, flat, and grateful still.