buzzcut partay

We gathered last night to buzz my hair before it leaves on its own accord, which should be any time now. Frankly, the suspense is killing me. Since I know it's going to happen, I would like it to be NOW. If you knew that sometime in the next few days you were suddenly going to lose control of something your body normally controls (any examples are indelicate), wouldn't you just want to have it happen and get it over with?

Ting took the trusty canine shears (they worked great, fyi) to Lily's hair first, after we took turns cutting off 4 braids that were up to 17 inches long. She looks fabulous, of course. Like glam. Like she may get back to campus and be a trendsetter. Sheesh. Here is a shot of her before and after, so you can feel my pain (and joy).

The evening was bittersweet for me. My beloved sister Ellen came prepared to shave her head. She had even ordered herself some hats. I didn't want her to do it. She wanted to do it for me; I wasn't sure it would help me. Her hair would be growing back while mine would stay away for months. I wanted her to look healthy. She wanted to be bald so that that might just be a look, not a matter of health. I worried that her young children would be anxious about social consequences. We cried about it. She worried about me, I worried about her; it was all so lovingly codependent.

In the end, the cut wasn't as big a deal as I thought it was going to be. Not so much of a loss, and the length is now clearly not the real loss anyway. Plus there is an interesting feature (which will be short-lived, but still) that buzzed hair hangs onto hats like velcro. Nifty; I did not know that. Also, you can suddenly measure your velocity by the top of your head. I can now tell how quickly I am walking through the house by these little 1/4 inch filaments on my head.

I wanted Ellen to do it then, once it was clear that a buzzcut is not a big deal, or even the deal itself, but the moment had passed. We may revisit this later, if and when my baldness feels lonely. We do have time.

Let it be known that on Day 11 after chemo, something tasted almost good. It happened right around 1:00, and I'm hoping it will still be here around suppertime.

Almost forgot to post my "before" and "after" photos. Here they come. Again, you see my pain.