the miracle question

Among practitioners of brief therapy, there is a technique called "the miracle question" that some folks use. It starts out with saying something like the following to the client: "I want you to imagine that a miracle has occurred. You wake up in the morning and your life has become absolutely perfect. What would you notice, what would be different about your life such that you would know that the miracle had taken place?" 

You then ask some follow-up questions such as, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you want this miracle?" "How confident are you that this miracle is actually possible?" and "How willing are you to do your part to make this miracle occur?" That kind of thing. You can also look at when in your life you've been further from the miracle than you are now, and reflect on things you've done to move closer to the miracle. In subsequent sessions, you can use the miracle, and its related questions, as sort of a baseline for goal-setting, monitoring progress -- keeping your eye on what you want, not what you don't want.

As we walked my well-worn 3-mile loop today, Laura and I talked miracles. It took Laura multiple layers to get to herself. Her first several things were all about the rest of us: in my perfect life, the kids would be perfectly happy in their lives and their work and feel wholly loved. T'ai would get into the law school of his choice, have great success and meet a man who adores him. I would be cured and healthy.  

Your life, your life, I kept reminding her. Oh. We walk on.

For a minute out come the ideas. The steam bath, the mini-Cooper, the new dishwasher. How much do you want these things? Gee, not much. 1 or 2.

Laura's miracle would be to live with more balance, with greater clarity of direction in her work. She would know the miracle had occurred if she were less judgmental, more able to love what is, to stay in the moment.

For me, I would know my miracle had happened if I woke up healthy and strong. I want to wake up that morning as a compassionate, effective therapist. I will laugh more. I will have learned to turn my attention from useless, worrying thoughts to good and happy thoughts. I will have learned to reach out to others more, to nurture friendships with people that live closer than 100 miles away.

It turns out that the miracle, of course, is almost entirely in our minds. In fact, if it weren't for the health piece, the miracle would be a mental shift, no more, no less. Neither of us would change the external furniture of our lives to achieve our miracles of a perfect life.

Still, the miracle change that I want most of all is to wake up healthy. That's the part of my miracle that doesn't feel entirely under my control. I'll handle the getting stronger part of the job.  Just please let me be healthy.

I just noticed that I did not even include having breasts in my miracle wish. Maybe that's a step toward the miracle of turning my attention from useless thoughts toward good ones.

What would your own responses be to the miracle question? How much do you want this miracle? You don't have to answer; I'd just love to have people I love thinking about it.